The Cruise

A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says OK and goes to the pharmacy to buy three Dramamine and three condoms.

Next day the agent calls back and says he now can book a five-day cruise. The guy says he'll take it. Returns to the same pharmacy and buys two more Dramamine and two more condoms.

The following day the travel agent calls again and says he can now book an eight-day cruise. Guy says OK and goes back to the pharmacy and asks for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.

Finally the pharmacist asks:

- Look if it makes you sick how come you keep doing it?

Wise little girl

A certain little girl when asked her name would reply I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter. Her mother told her this was wrong she must say I'm Jane Sugarbrown. The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday school and said:

- Hello, little girl. Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?

- I thought I was but mother says I'm not! - she replied.

The architect and the engineer

An architect an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said I like both.

Engineer: Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman and you can go to the lab and get some work done.

Nude Portrait

An artist had been working on a nude portrait for a long time. Every day he was up early and worked late - bringing perfection with every stroke of his paint brush. As each day passed he gained a better understanding of the female body and was able to really make his paintings shine.

After a month the artist had become very weary from this non-stop effort and decided to take it easy for the day. Since his model had already shown up he suggested they merely have a glass of wine and talk - since normally he preferred to do his painting in silence.

They talked for a few hours getting to know each other better. Then as they were sipping their claret the artist heard a car arriving outside. He jumped up and said Oh no! It's my wife! Quick take off your clothes!

Aching Tooth

Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth but don't worry it will take just five minutes.

Patient: And how much will it cost?

Dentist: It's $90.00.

Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work???

Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.

Beware the Mirror

Three young women were in a shopping mall. There was a blonde a redhead and a brunette. They all had to go to the bathroom so they found one and went in.

As they were going in together they encountered a shriveled old woman who was hobbling out. Beware the mirror! she rasped. If you look inside and say something truthful you will receive your hearts fondest desire. However! if you tell a lie... YOU WILL BE SUCKED INSIDE AND ENTER OBLIVION! Cackling the old woman hobbled on past. The three women looked at each other and shrugged.

Once inside the brunette ran to the mirror looked straight inside and said I think that I am the most beautiful woman in this bathroom! Immediately a huge bag of money pops out and the ecstatic brunette seizes it and walks out. This inspires the redhead to up to the mirror and says I think that I am the most intelligent woman in this bathroom! Immediately a Mercedes-Benz pops out and she hops in and drives away. The blonde then runs up to the mirror excitedly. She says I think-- and is immediately sucked into the mirror.

Social Security

An old man went to the social security office to sign up.

He had stood in the line for a very long time until it was finally his turn. The lady behind the counter ask him for identification. He went to get his wallet out of his back pocket and relized he had left it at home. The lady told him that was alright he could just show her his chest hairs and if they were grey she knew he was old enough for social security.

After everything was done there he went home and told his wife how his day went. He told her that he had forgotten his wallet at home and the lady at the social security office just ask him to pull down the front of his shirt and she could tell he was old enough.

After listening to his story his wife told him if he had dropped his pants he probably could have gotten disability too.